So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
do herpes really smell.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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