i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
