found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
