Swine flu. Run for my life!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
