Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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