I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
