we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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