I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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