its not stalking. its research.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize