i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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