We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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