I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
