Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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