Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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