Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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