If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
