went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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