so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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