dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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