dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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