I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
