Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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