my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
