are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
