One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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