so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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