I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
tell me about the eggs
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
