I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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