Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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