Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
