This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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