you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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