I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
