Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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