I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
