she looked like the before picture.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
