Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
