When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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