You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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