the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
