Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize