i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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