I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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