This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
