i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
