My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
