i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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