i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
