This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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