yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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