there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
