I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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