So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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