if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
