i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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