need another drink. this is the easiest way
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
