I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
