My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize