is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
