I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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