When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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