guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
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