you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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