I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
