Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
