Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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