At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
