We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
