I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
